IT’S MY CHOICE BABY ,….. blog by Dr Sona Kakar

I never liked the terminator series nor the iron man endless sequels but when my husband asked me if I would join him for IM-3 , I squirmed but thought it was ok to see it so that I could begin to see why people loved it so much? . Also wanted to spend time together !As expected I could not even go the first 15 minutes . It set me wondering as to why I agreed to it in the first place

I guess a lot of us find ourselves in this agonising situation having agreed to something which we ordinarily would not choose ,and getting uncomfortable subsequently .
Sometimes these are big choices and we often find ourselves in uncomfortable or difficult situations not to say that we go thru it painfully . Sometimes we may be extremely piqued at having to give up our choice and may lash out at people around even damaging our relationship .

Each of us has a choice which is unique and yet in order to keep our relationships with people we may not exert choices and feel painfully left out .
So does that mean that we can never enjoy the movies together ? Sometimes yes !!?
Yet there will be a lot of things we may agree upon !
So both of us like a Sunday outing together ,both prefer movies and popcorn but can’t ever decide on a mutually liked movie
For instance I do go out for fast and furious now but take the last seats (and PVR has some awesome ones )and put on my earplugs and catch my next candy crush level . He too comes for some mushy stuff and loves his 2 hr siesta on those comfy seats.
However all situations are not easy to negotiate .For example how we plan our finances and how we would like to see our future are huge in number and involve a lot of people . So how do we negotiate ?
Shall we give up our choices or hold on to them in the face of opposition
Here giving up on our choice is also a choice.We may give up on our choice because it helps our relationship , and to maintain it is our choice too. Often it being easier to give up on our choice because what we give up is not too important for us .Of course it would be great if these acts were reciprocated

For instance a man may choose a red color car for his wife who loves red though it is not the color he really likes because color is really not important to him but for her it is a great deal. In the same vein a wife would be ok to give up purchasing a piece of jewellery because her husband wants to buy a car because she doesn’t really care about jewellery but he has been longing to pick up the vehicle .

However if choices become beliefs then giving up on them can be difficult . A man may not really like eating out though his wife does but THINKS that going out for dinners is a waste of time , and on the other hand the wife may THINK that when he lends money to his friends which he is happy to do it’s a waste of money too .Rather than accepting each other’s choices they may hold their beliefs tenaciously attacking each other for having such choices and it may lead to great misery and unhappiness

Choices just define who we are and what we like and don’t like

Not who is right or wrong ……..