Despair and sadness


Despair and sadness  are observed among people who try and continue to fix relationships but get disappointed nevertheless . The  despair and sadness actually may be felt in the body as heaviness in the chest , weariness, slowing, helplessness, dejection,    crying , choking and floppiness .

The individuals efforts    to make a relationship work may not be reciprocated as expected and this person my experience feelings of sadness   often related to self blame and self doubt at not being capable of holding a relationship together even though we all know that   for a relationship to be successful it needs two people to work on it and the efforts of one cannot and will not be able to change anything if the other partner does not or cannot change their pattern as well .


People    may use phrases  like “I cannot” or “everything is over”. Here one’s capacity to look at the relationship is totally  coloured by a fantasy of how the relationship should have been.What is over is just the fantasy. What cannot be fixed is the fantasy relationship. The disappointment is sourced from not being able to keep up the fantasy ,as no matter what one does the reality always shows up. This  mechanism continues to repeat in every new situation or relationship.

This pattern follows from disturbed attachment patterns with the primary caregiver who is often the mother ..The child seeks comfort and closeness with the mother and his attempts may fail  due to sickness ,absence or an emotionally unavailable mother. It becomes a pervasive pattern of relating and sometimes the person may begin to find comfort in a constant state of despair and disappointment . The person  neither attempts nor initiates any new relationship believing that eventually they are going to experience disappointment ..


Working with a mental health professional and/or  therapist can help overcome the  self sabotaging behaviour patterns which continue to cripple a person underneath  and allow him to live a life of wants ,desires and much needed happiness in closer relationships.