by Dr Sona Kakar
A few tips on how not to let the experience of dating get coloured by past experiences and anxiety.
1. Keep the monster out
When you are dating someone, often anxiety and anxiety generating thoughts will accompany you into a potentially beautiful new experience. Thoughts about being judged, rejected, humiliated or making a mistake could color your mood and perception about the person you’re dating. Keeping a check on such crippling thoughts is a huge task for dating couples.
2. Check your feelings
Feelings from the past related to previous relationships may transfer onto your current relationship and you may see your dating partner with the same lens. It is important to see the person for who the person is rather than who we believe they may turn out to be. The only way one can know that is when the relationship is explored and we see the real person and have enough information about him/her to see the difference between past relationships and this one.
3. Be real
Would you like to date a person you don’t know? Remember, your partner feels the same way. Choose to be real over nice.
4.Trust your feelings and judgement
If there is a conflict, talk about it and see how your partner reacts to it. Conflicts are inevitable when you date but how you resolve them will show you how far the relationship can go. Trust your own feelings about the person you are dating and honestly let them know what you truly experience with them including warmth and love.
5. Be truthful
The truth is not always bitter. Showing a reflection to your partner without condemning or judging them will make them thank you for being the most honest and caring friend they have ever had.
6.Give your all
Love to the fullest but be careful not to be blinded to the difficult part of the relationship. Each relationship generates strong emotions and dealing honestly with both anger and love towards the same person makes it more balanced . Introspect about what you love and what you don’t. It is sure to teach you a lot about yourself !!!!!